


I will follow you into the dark

by cassiecasyl



Series: febuwhump 2021 [2]
Category: Supernatural
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Castiel Loves Dean Winchester, Castiel's Handprint (Supernatural), Dean Winchester Can't Say "I Love You", Dean Winchester Needs Castiel, Dean can't let go, Episode: s15e18 Despair, Episode: s15e18 Despair - Castiel's Confession Scene, Fanart, FebuWhump2021, M/M, Self-Sacrificing Castiel (Supernatural), Song: I Will Follow You into the Dark (Death Cab for Cutie), The Empty (Supernatural), alternative ending
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-02-06
Updated: 2021-02-06
Packaged: 2021-03-18 12:22:23
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 821
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29243523
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/cassiecasyl/pseuds/cassiecasyl
Summary: Though he knows heaven and hell are never quite satisfied in their eternal game, he followed him into the dark. Because he couldn’t leave him, couldn’t let him go alone.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Series: febuwhump 2021 [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/2143485
Comments: 2
Kudos: 17





	I will follow you into the dark

**Author's Note:**

> Febuwhump Day 5: Take Me Instead 
> 
> Did I take this prompt as an excuse to write about the confession scene? Yes. Yes, I did. 
> 
> title from and references to the song [I Will Follow You into the Dark](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3iV_1ESMHaI) by Death Cab for Cutie.
> 
> edits are by me :D

It’s all wrong. Cas rambled on about how good he was, and all Dean wanted was to give in, to believe some of what he’s saying, but he can’t. It’s all lies. What was so special about him that an angel claimed to love because of him? What was so good about love that always expressed itself in anger? He shook his head slightly, feeling tears nudge at his eyes. 

Dean wanted, no, needed to stop this, not just because he saw where this was going and he couldn’t bear the thought. It was all wrong. “Why does this sound like a goodbye?” he asked, praying that he’s wrong. He desperately wanted to wipe those tears from Cas’s cheeks, something just to decipher his smile in a way that doesn’t break him. But, as so often, he was frozen in place. 

“Because it is,” Cas cried and Dean’s world shattered at the confirmation. For a moment, he looked down, overwhelmed by the situation, but those ocean eyes caught him again. He has to savour this moment. 

“Cas-,” he tried, unsure what to say. The name hung in the air, a declaration of love in its own way. But Dean couldn’t let him say it. It’d hurt more than it ever has, would stab right through this time because though now he knew, it always meant losing Cas. He couldn’t do this again. 

There’s so many words lost on his tongue, arguments of how he isn’t worth this, they’ll find a way _, don’t leave me here, I need you_. But Castiel always had a way of seeing right through him, he didn’t even have to try, he knew from the very beginning. 

_You don’t think you deserve to be saved._

_Not if it means losing you_ , Dean thought. He couldn’t bear being on his own again, even if it saved his life. Sure, he had Sam and Jack, but this was different. He _needed_ Cas. He’s just better when he’s around. 

But the angel had other plans, and he did it all just to save him. Always to save Dean Winchester. _Dumbass_. ( _I prefer trusting. Less dumb, less ass._ ) 

“I love you,” Cas proclaimed, and it’s a scream as much as it’s a whisper. The world stopped, taking the air out of Dean’s lungs. No. He wished the world had stopped, would grant them this moment, even if it’s their last. _No_. 

The door broke underneath Billy’s punches at the same moment a gooey portal opened up behind Dean. They’re shielding each other from the things that want them dead, two star-crossed lovers against the fates of the universe. It seemed they’ve finally met an evil too big to handle, but it didn’t mean Dean wouldn’t at least try to fight. He couldn’t lose Cas. 

Dean wanted to talk to Cas, desperately clinging to a hope that there’s something they can do, but his throat was dry and his tongue stuck to the roof of his mouth, unmoving. _And I you_ , he answered instead in prayer, screaming it through angel radio. Castiel had to hear, to know. 

As he reached out, Cas’s hand landed on his shoulder, leaving a bloody mark on his jacket. But instead of holding him tightly, Cas was pushing him away, out of the way so he could meet his demise. Dean wouldn’t let him. 

The Empty’s gooey tentacles snaked their way towards Cas around him, building wings of death to his sides. It’s all a gross reimagination of their first meeting and Dean hated every single moment of it. Okay, maybe seeing Billy getting grabbed by the Empty instead of stabbing him wasn’t that bad. But Cas was about to die after he confessed everything Dean had never hoped for, had denied them for too long. 

It’s bravery, Dean realized, that was at the core of love, of Cas’s happiness because he’s letting himself be himself entirely. No hiding anymore. It’s at the edge of death for him, so he doesn't have anything to lose and all to gain: Dean’s safety. 

Before the Empty could cover Cas’s face and take him away from him, Dean lunched forward and enveloped the angel in a tight hug. “Cas,” Dean spoke softly, strangely calm yet laced with tremors. A phrase like the excited tension before the fight at the end of a hunt. 

Finally, Cas looked away from his demise and at Dean. His smile faltered. Dean grinned. “You’re not getting rid of me that easily, Cas.” He saw the sigh in the angel's eyes before it reached his lips. Dean’s grin widened, knowing he won. Castiel sunk against him as all resistance left his body. 

“You’re not going alone,” Dean said. 

“I love you,” Cas resigned in a whisper, and a broken chuckle escaped him. Then, the cold void wrapped around them, and they’re forced down by the heaviness of sleep. Still, they’re holding each other closer than ever. 

**Author's Note:**

> Please consider leaving kudos and a comment!!
> 
> You can also find me on [tumblr](https://cassiecasyl.tumblr.com)!


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